An Unexpected Gift
Yesterday, I experienced a new "first" in my life. Someone that I had extended my support, love, compassion and understanding to purposely took me aside and told me how much I meant to them; how I had changed there life and made then "feel" again; how I allowed them to heal and they are meaningful.
This person was my uncle who through years of dealing with depression was a broken man. He felt unworthy of love and harboured tremendous pain and guilt. He has lived with us on the farm for 3 years. First with my parents and now in a fixed up house on a farm property we bought last year. He has had to undergo many physical and emotional battles but has started to finally triumph in his own life. He works with us as a farm hand and can always be counted on for tractor work, chores, wood cutting, lawn mowing, house repairs or just about anything you need; he is earning his keep so to speak and to be brutally honest his presence is so wonderful. Not only is he helping himself heal by the satisfaction of working on the farm, he is also decreasing the amount of long days that my husband and father have to put in. Everybody wins.
I was surprised yesterday when he came to me with a tear in his eye to express his gratitude. He told me that he had forgotten how to love and that being on the farm with my family had caused him to feel connected again. He compared his experience to "prison farms" and that he feels rehabilitated and he has truly turned his life around. And in that moment, it was he, who gave me the greatest gift. I was so happy that finally, I had truly made a meaningful difference in someone's life. That my actions had contributed to someone becoming the person they want to be.
At first I brushed it off and said he didn't have to thank me but after he repeated himself I took a deep breath and thanked him. I explained that I have tried to help many people, and many people are happy to take my help but in the long run it doesn't really make a difference because they don't use it productively. I went on to say that it was he who did the hard work.
I thought back to what I had personally done for my uncle and it wasn't anything huge; merely one human being caring about another and trying to make them feel special. I remember when he first came to us, I would unclog his feeding tube at all hours of the night. I'd always bring him Tim Horton's from town if I went. I made sure he came to Christmas mornings each year with our family and made sure he had some great gifts (I've never seen a grown man so excited about a chain saw before). Whenever I made chicken pot pie (his favourite) I would double the recipe so he could take one home. Once I spent my day in the ER with him until I knew that he was receiving the care that he needed (the stigma of a previous suicide attempt is atrocious in some healthcare settings...I felt I needed to protect him from that). Like I said, nothing huge...but it was pretty significant to him.
Which brings me to this poem that I came across. It is called "Dare to Be". I hope you enjoy it and it makes you consider that sometimes the smallest actions make the biggest differences.
“Dare to Be"
When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully.
When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light.
When there is injustice, dare to be the first to condemn it.
When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway.
When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back.
When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some.
When you’re feeling tired, dare to keep going.
When times are tough, dare to be tougher.
When love hurts you, dare to love again.
When someone is hurting, dare to help them heal.
When another is lost, dare to help them find the way.
When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a hand.
When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile.
When you feel great, dare to help someone else feel great too.
When the day has ended, dare to feel as you’ve done your best.
Dare to be the best you can –At all times, Dare to be!”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
This person was my uncle who through years of dealing with depression was a broken man. He felt unworthy of love and harboured tremendous pain and guilt. He has lived with us on the farm for 3 years. First with my parents and now in a fixed up house on a farm property we bought last year. He has had to undergo many physical and emotional battles but has started to finally triumph in his own life. He works with us as a farm hand and can always be counted on for tractor work, chores, wood cutting, lawn mowing, house repairs or just about anything you need; he is earning his keep so to speak and to be brutally honest his presence is so wonderful. Not only is he helping himself heal by the satisfaction of working on the farm, he is also decreasing the amount of long days that my husband and father have to put in. Everybody wins.
I was surprised yesterday when he came to me with a tear in his eye to express his gratitude. He told me that he had forgotten how to love and that being on the farm with my family had caused him to feel connected again. He compared his experience to "prison farms" and that he feels rehabilitated and he has truly turned his life around. And in that moment, it was he, who gave me the greatest gift. I was so happy that finally, I had truly made a meaningful difference in someone's life. That my actions had contributed to someone becoming the person they want to be.
At first I brushed it off and said he didn't have to thank me but after he repeated himself I took a deep breath and thanked him. I explained that I have tried to help many people, and many people are happy to take my help but in the long run it doesn't really make a difference because they don't use it productively. I went on to say that it was he who did the hard work.
I thought back to what I had personally done for my uncle and it wasn't anything huge; merely one human being caring about another and trying to make them feel special. I remember when he first came to us, I would unclog his feeding tube at all hours of the night. I'd always bring him Tim Horton's from town if I went. I made sure he came to Christmas mornings each year with our family and made sure he had some great gifts (I've never seen a grown man so excited about a chain saw before). Whenever I made chicken pot pie (his favourite) I would double the recipe so he could take one home. Once I spent my day in the ER with him until I knew that he was receiving the care that he needed (the stigma of a previous suicide attempt is atrocious in some healthcare settings...I felt I needed to protect him from that). Like I said, nothing huge...but it was pretty significant to him.
Which brings me to this poem that I came across. It is called "Dare to Be". I hope you enjoy it and it makes you consider that sometimes the smallest actions make the biggest differences.
“Dare to Be"
When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully.
When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light.
When there is injustice, dare to be the first to condemn it.
When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway.
When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back.
When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some.
When you’re feeling tired, dare to keep going.
When times are tough, dare to be tougher.
When love hurts you, dare to love again.
When someone is hurting, dare to help them heal.
When another is lost, dare to help them find the way.
When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a hand.
When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile.
When you feel great, dare to help someone else feel great too.
When the day has ended, dare to feel as you’ve done your best.
Dare to be the best you can –At all times, Dare to be!”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
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